As a 6 (Have you done the Enneagram yet? You should. You can read about it, and even take a quick quiz, here.) I tend to over think things and sometimes get so caught up in the thinking that I forget about the doing. This is enhanced by my 9ness (6's tend to take on attributes of 9's and 3's) because 9's tend to procrastinate and not take action. Sometimes this manifests in little things like cleaning my room--this year I've enjoyed dreaming about what color I would paint it if I could afford paint, what sort of comfy chair I would put in it, what curtains I would use... you get the idea. But so instead of actually focusing on my room and the fact that I might enjoy it more if my clothes were put away, I dream about it's potential.
When Jen first shared this little gem of wisdom I was feeling pretty stagnant in a lot of ways. My bike rides seemed to take longer each day (which doesn't make any sort of logical sense), I wasn't sure about my plans for next year, I didn't feel like I was getting any better at my job or that it was becoming anymore meaningful, it wasn't raining... you get the idea.
Being a 6 I spent a good amount of time ruminating on this concept, but have also started acting on it :) If I want to bike faster, I should bike faster... so I started biking faster.
If I want to have plans for next year, I should make them.. so I started figuring those details out (and got a job! a job that I'm psyched for! with the Chesapeake Conservation Corps placed with the Reservoir Hill Improvement Council doing community gardens, working on tree plantings, coordinating an elementary school group, facilitating neighborhood groups--they're working on a new website but it isn't live yet, so I'll hold off on posting it until then).
If I want to love my job, I should love my job. This past month I had the opportunity to participate in two different trainings, one on motivational interviewing techniques and the other was for offender employment specialists. The OES training was really incredible, there were a ton of guest speakers: employers, people with felony histories, probation officers, judges, teachers in corrections facilities--and everyone had such interesting and moving things to share. In the few weeks since then, I already feel like I'm better able to assist the guys I work with that have felonies. 11 months into it, I'm beginning to feel competent at what I do. Some combination of feeling competent, being busier at work (I'm meeting with over 50 guys a week!), and wanting to enjoy my job... has led me to doing just that!
On Tuesday at Yoga the word, or rather the concept of the day (I forget the actual word), was that in taking an action there is a process. First you make a decision, then there is generally a counter-movement, and then if you get beyond the counter-movement you get to take actual action and move forward. It isn't that the counter-movement is a digression per se, because it is still a step towards action. When that's where you are, it's where you are. The important thing is to be present to yourself and remember the voice in you that made that decision in the first place.
In yoga I feel this a lot with bow pose. It's definitely a pose that has an easy version and a pushing-yourself version. There are plenty of days that I don't get to the pushing-yourself version because I just can't handle it, and on those days I am so grateful for the comfort of the more relaxed version. Usually though within the pose I have moments. Moments of hesitation, moments of dread, moments of fear, moments of breath, moments of extension, moments of exhaustion, moments of strength. The moments don't always march in order and often I go back and forth between a few, but on the days that I am able to hold onto my motivation and push myself if only for a few moments, I am so grateful.
In work, with next year, and other areas of my life I can see where the counter-movement has been, but I'm also (finally) beginning to remember that voice with which I started this year and out of this shift I have found myself growing in gratefulness. I may not be running faster (or running at all to be honest), but I am feeling very alive.
